Is everyone but me having vaginal orgasms?

A Centrosema virginianum flower.
Credit: 
Andreas Kay via Flickr

Vaginal orgasms have been sought out since the dawn of penetration. 

The vaginal or “G-spot” orgasm is a climax that’s brought on by exclusively internal vaginal stimulation. Many people have never experienced vaginal orgasms, but those who can achieve “hands-free” orgasms may be perceived as experienced, more in-tune with their bodies or gifted with a talented sexual partners.

But some experts have suggested that the vaginal orgasm doesn’t exist. Instead those who experience it are actually experiencing a clitoral orgasm. 

Studies suggest that orgasms are brought about by simultaneous stimulation to a number of different parts of the vulva, namely the clitoris (which is almost entirely internal and an average of five inches long!), the vestibular bulbs, the labia minora and the urethral sponge. 

While many people with vulvas say they do, in fact, have a G-spot, the G-spot itself has been under debate for decades. The G-spot is described as a rough, textured area of tissue inside the vagina. But so far no study has found any definitive proof of its existence.

Of course, praise to those who can vaginally orgasm. If it works for you, great! 

But for people who can’t vaginally orgasm, it can cause fears of being inadequate or that there’s something wrong with your body. But in reality, everyone’s physiology is different.

Let’s face it: we live in a world where centuries of ingrained sexism have led people with vulvas to believe their orgasms are non-essential for sexual activity. Why can’t we accept that people with vulvas, much like people with penises, are people, with individual sexual needs?

Why can’t we put aside the time in our sexual encounters to ensure that all partners, regardless of their genitalia, are being stimulated to their full potential; whether that’s a clitoral orgasm, a vaginal orgasm or even no orgasm at all, as the case may be?

The thing is, I can’t tell you whether the vaginal orgasm exists. I can tell you about the studies, but I can also tell you that I have friends who swear by them, and have even had partners who insist they’ve caused them. 

Luckily, it doesn’t matter what I say on the subject, the same way that it doesn’t matter what your friends or your partners or that article in Cosmopolitan says. You matter, your sexuality matters and your orgasm matters. There’s no shame in clitoral or whatever other stimulation you enjoy during intercourse. There’s no “correct” means of achieving an orgasm. All that matters is that you and your partners are having fun, whichever way you like to have it.

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