QJSex: Healthy relationships

The October blues seem to finally be settling in, especially after all the excitement of the first Homecoming weekend. One thing we hope, though, is that the blues aren’t settling into your relationships.

Sometimes when things start off great, it takes a little while to see when a relationship is heading in the wrong direction. Today, we’re going over exactly what makes a relationship healthy – and what you can do if it isn’t.

What exactly is a healthy relationship?

All relationships are different – and this is super important to remember – but in general, a healthy relationship is one that makes you feel good about yourself and your partner(s). Most healthy relationships do have some things in common though:

Safety: Everybody engaged in the relationship feels safe, with no worry of physical or emotional harm. It’s possible to do new activities or change your mind without fearing your partner(s) reactions.

Honesty: Partners don’t hide important things from each other, and can express feelings without fear of ridicule. You resolve your disagreements by talking them out.

Acceptance: You accept each other for who they are, appreciating your partner’s unique qualities without trying to fix them.

Respect: You think highly of each other and respect each other’s opinions and ideas. That’s not to say that everyone has to tolerate everything their partner does: setting limits is a sign of self-respect.

Enjoyment: Relationships aren’t just about how you treat each other. It has to be fun!

What about unhealthy relationships?

For the most part, unhealthy relationships have red flags. That doesn’t mean they have to – if you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship you probably are! The other important thing to note that is anything you don’t consent to is considered a red flag.That said, the most common red flags are:

• isolation

• blaming or denying

• threatening

• control

• non-consensual physical contact

• non-consensual sexual contact

• emotional abuse

So, what do I do?

The most important thing is always communication. Sitting down with your partner, perhaps with a prepared list of talking points, can be one of the best ways to resolve the small issues that arise. Sometimes though, a relationship (especially an unhealthy one) can be beyond the realm of communication. If this happens, it’s best to seek help immediately.

There are a couple of different options from this point. If you feel you’ve been sexually assaulted or have experienced domestic violence, one of the best places to go is the Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Unit at Kingston General Hospital. They have a specific nurse on call and can provide emergency medical and nursing care, testing and treatment as well as forensic evidence collection and documentation, crisis counseling and social work followups. For domestic violence, you must still have some visible physical effects, so this isn’t the resource for everyone.

You can also call the Assaulted Women’s Helpline at 1-866-863-0511 or the Telephone Aid Line Kingston at 613-544-1771. These are great if you’re just looking to talk to someone about your experiences.

The Centre for Abuse and Trauma Therapy (CATT) is a non-judgmental, affordable, and feminist therapy centre for anyone grappling with issues of abuse or it’s related trauma. You can reach them at 613-507-2288.

Finally, both the Dawn House Women’s Shelter (their crisis line is 613-545-1379) and the Kingston Interval House (crisis line is 613-546-1777) are shelters for women and their children leaving relationships where domestic violence has occurred.

If you or someone you know may be dealing with an unhealthy relationship, the best thing they can do is talk to someone. You can call the SHRC at 613-533-2959, or stop by our office in the JDUC, room 223.

Tags

QJsex, Relationships, SHRC

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