Hot & heavy on campus

There’s something taboo about having sex on campus. In an environment that’s meant to be studious and serious, the risk of getting caught only adds to the thrill.

I’m perhaps the least qualified person to write this article. I’ve never hooked up on campus, in any definition of that ambiguous phrase. But I understand the students’ need for a definitive list of the best places to have sex on campus.

After consulting friends, family and strangers on their top picks for private spaces, I conducted a rather unusual tour.

In each spot, I sat for as long as it took to complete a full game of Sudoku on my phone and play a Beyoncé song. If at any point in this 10­minute long process I was interrupted, the location was considered a no­go. My picks for the best hook­up spots on campus offer something for everyone, whether you prefer doing it outside, in the comfort of a bedroom or somewhere more risqué.

1. A dorm room

This one’s glaringly obvious, so I’ll get it out of the way first. Although more cramped than some of the other options, a dorm room might be an ideal choice as generally these are both lockable and contain a bed.

Consider reaching out to any first­year or don friends you might have to see if their rooms are available — preferably if it’s a single room. Keep in mind that some residences have especially thin walls, such as Leggett.

2. A music practice room in Harrison­LeCaine

Many of us have never stepped foot in the music building at Queen’s, but these rooms might be reason enough. Most importantly, these are branded as soundproof, although there is some room for debate on that point as I definitely heard some music other than my Beyoncé.

That said, if your sex is quieter than a trumpet, you should be fine.

The room itself is ugly, and in many cases windowless, but this should only serve to focus your attention more squarely on your partner, as there’s no chance you’ll be distracted by the décor. They also come fully furnished with an out­of­tune piano, should you feel the need to romantically serenade your partner.

3. The accessible washroom on the bottom floor of Jeffery

This washroom is a bit tighter, so anyone in there with you will have no choice but to get close. Although it’s remote and includes a small counter space, this room’s biggest selling point is its lighting — namely, I couldn’t find any for the first few minutes.

Eventually, I discovered a light switch around waist height to the left of the door, but only by groping around blindly in the pitch­black room. If darkness is a turn­on for you, I can hardly imagine a better locale.

4. The washroom on the second floor of Dupuis

One more washroom because it was too good to leave off: what makes this one so ideal is that when you first step in you’re in a room that is large and virtually empty, save a sink. The washroom itself is actually a separate space that branches off of this room. The door obviously locks and, as an added bonus, there is a countertop as large as the one in my kitchen, which could be useful.

This washroom sits between the men’s and women’s washrooms and might be more spacious than a dorm room. Case in point: I was able to cartwheel without incident.

5. The BioSci courtyard

For the risk­takers among us, there’s this outdoor location. Set back a ways from University Ave., this grassy space is technically visible from the sidewalk, although it’s not easy to see.

I imagine it’s also visible from the other side of the tinted windows on the surrounding walls, but outside class hours, this would certainly be more private than other places on campus. A backless stone bench is also available for your pleasure.

One last factor to think on is the nature of your sexual activity while on campus. Consider how quickly you’d be able to pack up and leave just in case things go south midway through.

Tags: 

All final editorial decisions are made by the Editor(s)-in-Chief and/or the Managing Editor. Authors should not be contacted, targeted, or harassed under any circumstances. If you have any grievances with this article, please direct your comments to journal_editors@ams.queensu.ca.

When commenting, be considerate and respectful of writers and fellow commenters. Try to stay on topic. Spam and comments that are hateful or discriminatory will be deleted. Our full commenting policy can be read here.