Pole thieves list ransom demands in fake GW

The faceless ‘Mario Baker,’ as he appeared in his editorial in Golden Stolen Words.
The faceless ‘Mario Baker,’ as he appeared in his editorial in Golden Stolen Words.
Photo courtesy of Golden Stolen Words

Queen’s University was invaded once again Wednesday night by members of the Brute Force Committee (BFC) who returned to distribute copies of their latest scheme, Golden Stolen Words.

In the 12-page publication, BFC, the group of University of Toronto engineers behind the theft, detailed ransom demands along with a detailed log describing how the pole was taken.

Included in the ransom demands or what the BFC is calling a “rental agreement” are:

  • 263 cases of beer (one for each minute BFC had to wait for the pole), all of which must be purchased through U of T Campus Beverage Services;
  • two flux capacitors à la Back to the Future;
  • 1710 almond M & Ms, 50 per cent blue and 50 per cent yellow;
  • one statue of Godiva on a horse, life sized and carved in stone;
  • one bronzed I.O.U.

One engineering student at U of T, who wishes to remain anonymous, says the main motivation for promoting the fact that the grease pole was stolen is to entice Queen’s students to seek revenge.

“We want retaliation. We are waiting for Queen’s to come here.”

Matt Blair, co-editor-in-chief of the Golden Words, appreciates this university rivalry, but views the distribution of a fake Golden Words as a serious offense.

“In terms of a prank, it’s pretty funny. In terms of legality, it’s extortion. They’re using our name and our format to voice opinions in which we in no way endorse. That is a very serious issue,” he said.

Queen’s Engineering Society refused to comment on the issue at press time, but was scheduled to meet last night to discuss a course of action.

According to Stolen Words, the BFC organized the infamous September 9 trip to Kingston, where 28 “random” engineers, five cars, one Ryder truck, one motorcycle, 263 minutes of waiting and one unlocked door provided them with the opportunity to reclaim the pole, which was originally an upright at Varsity Stadium at U of T until Queen’s students made off with it after a Homecoming game on October 8, 1955.

A complete mockery of the Engineering Society newspaper, Stolen Words is another in a series of attempts by U of T engineers to mock the students of Queen’s for failing to properly guard the engineering icon.

“Thank you Queen’s for breeding the most unparalleled group of infinitely stupid people EVER — people who would actually leave the pole unguarded,” said Mario Baker, chief of the BFC.

The pole has been at the centre of celebrations and mayhem since it was taken from the hands of Queen’s students nearly four weeks ago.

Articles in Stolen Words describe how students honoured the moment when the pole crossed U of T soil with a party held at the Hart House Farm, located on university property, where about a hundred students spent the night screaming, jumping and consuming mass amounts of alcohol. The celebrations continued the following weekend at a party at SUDs, an on-campus bar, seen by some as U of T’s take on Clark Hall Pub. The establishment was host to an array of students who took the opportunity to carouse and carry on after their successful mission at Queen’s University. Even U of T alumni took part in the event.

Some left disappointed, however, as they were hoping Queen’s engineers would appear on the scene to shake the party up. They even had a sign, “Welcome Queen’s Engineers” waiting, but to no avail.

For his part, Queen’s dean of engineering Tom Harris is strongly encouraging students not to retaliate.

“[I have talked with U of T dean of engineering and] we both agreed that we didn’t want to see any crude behaviour. I’ve indicated to students that if they march down to U of T and trash stuff, the administration will not look favourably upon having the grease pole event again,” said Harris.

“Students need to be clever and not crude. My own view on this is that university rivalries are good, but I was bothered by the fact that U of T allegedly chopped up the pole.”

U of T students have been attempting to recapture the pole for years; the events of the past few weeks have created quite a stir at U of T. Since the heist was successfully pulled off, calls have been pouring into their alumni office with offers of congratulations.

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