Squirrels, oh my!

Everyone knows that Queen’s squirrels are special. Not only are they abundant, but they are plump, mangy and generally crazy. These rodents not only plague our campus, but share one quality in particular that I find increasingly disturbing: stealth.

One particular memory exemplifies what I’m talking about. In my second year, my housemate Robbie was found yelling ‘shoo, shoo’ rather forcefully in his bedroom.

A squirrel had broken into his second floor room and was found eating through a bag of mixed nuts.

I have never been as impressed by a Queen’s squirrel as I was at that moment.

It somehow had managed to crawl through a narrow window opening and find its perfect meal before escaping unharmed.

The squirrels that roam campus and the student ghetto have always scared me and this incident only confirmed my judgements. As one friend remarked to me yesterday, “squirrels are evil.” Each time I hear about another squirrel break-in or see a group of them rummaging through garbage, I am more convinced of this. With patchy fur and beady eyes, they are far from their cute cartoon counterparts.

There is one redeeming thing about Queen’s squirrels—their place in the University’s traditions. Over the years I have heard various versions of the myth of the golden squirrel, but there is one I find especially convincing.

Apparently there is a golden squirrel at Queen’s, which if sighted before midterms, foreshadows failing marks.

Alternatively, if the golden squirrel is sighted after midterms, the semester’s finals will be aced.

It’s my belief that the legendary golden squirrel is actually albino, after hearing descriptions of it from friends who’ve seen it.

I suppose then that the squirrels of Kingston will remain pests in my mind with one exception.

I myself have never seen the golden squirrel but perhaps I will be lucky enough to bear witness to its existence, preferably after midterms.

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