S&M: Flying Solo

“Hi S&M, can you please talk about female masturbation next? I’ve never done it before and I want to try it but I’m not really sure how to go about it and it feels overwhelming. None of my friends ever talk about it and it feels too taboo for me to just ask them. Do you have any advice for a first time masturbator… where do I even start?” 

— Flying Solo

Hi Flying Solo,

It’s totally normal to feel a little nervous about your first time getting down solo. We get it, it feels taboo. But, know that it’s a totally normal and healthy part of the human experience and pretty much everyone does it. It’s good to want to learn about it and be open to new things. 

We both wish we had discovered the magic of masturbation a long, long time ago. We would have been way happier in high school and we probably would’ve been a lot more confident with sex later on. 

The first thing to understand about masturbation is that in some ways, it’s a lot like having sex with another person. There’s no one way to have sex and the same goes for masturbation.  There are lots of different toys, many positions and that one thing you’ve been wasting on different uses all along: your right hand. 

A great thing about masturbation is that it can help you become more confident sexually and therefore more comfortable in your own skin. It also helps to teach you the things that you find pleasurable, which you can pass on to your partner during sex and make it a better experience for the both of you. 

So, before your first solo time, do a little research. What turns you on? If you’re more of a visual person, surf the Internet for some visual aids. It could be porn, sexy clips from TV shows or movies, even an erotic book. 

If you’re more of an audio learner, try playing your favourite sexy songs with a good beat. If you’re more of a romantic, set the mood. Light a few candles, play some tunes and have a good time. 

Lock your door so you don’t have any unpleasant intrusions and make sure to give yourself a quick anatomy lesson. Learn what your body looks like and what areas you should be looking out for (read: the clitoris). Just like every vagina is different, so is what people like to do with them. 

Some people find direct clitoral stimulation too intense, and some prefer internal stimulation, external or a combination. You won’t know what you like until you try it out, so don’t be worried if the first time isn’t exactly your cup of tea. 

A few people in our house got some fun toys in second year and suddenly, the remotes kept mysteriously running out of batteries. 

If you decide to go to a sex shop, definitely seek the help of the people working there. From our experience they’re nice, sex-positive people and want to pass on their knowledge to you. They can help you find some great toys, from beginner items to some more adventurous purchases. 

Remember during your first foray, you might not have a mind-blowing experience right away. Some people put pressure on themselves to have an orgasm, which means that it takes them out of the moment and takes away from their pleasure. Don’t let your head get in the way, this is for you and your body. 

As always, practice makes perfect. What works for others might not work for you, so keep testing things out and experimenting until you’ve found your perfect combination. 

Finally, just have fun with it. It’s not meant to be stressful at all. Just keep an open mind and empower yourself with knowledge about your anatomy and options and you’ll have a great time. 

 We’ll be rooting for you from here, baby!

— S&M ;)

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