Sex in the limestone city: The importance of discussing past relationships with your partner

There are many subjects that are considered taboo in terms of what we should share with our significant others. However, talking about things that might be slightly uncomfortable may actually work towards strengthening the trust and communication we have in a relationship. 

When we begin a relationship in our twenties, it’s silly to think our partners lacked any form of a romantic life before us and also bad to think information regarding this former life isn’t important to building a strong relationship. 

When any sort of relationship ends — no matter the level of significance — it eventually becomes a learning experience for our future relationships. 

On some level, we take these lessons and apply them when we’re ready to try again with someone new. Even more so, these past experiences shape us into the kind of partner we’ll be in our next relationship.

When we share why things may not have worked in our past relationships, we begin to understand whether we may or may not have been the right fit as a couple.  

Speaking in terms of my own relationship, I know when I share something that was an issue in my previous relationship, it often helps my partner understand why things that seem miniscule to him affect me in a different way. 

For my boyfriend, discussion of past relationships is somewhat of a sore subject for him on both ends —  often times, it’s difficult for him to open up about exes unless I ask him to. 

But I think what many people don’t understand is that opening up about one’s past relationships isn’t a trap. Although it’s considerably difficult, it has the ability to give each person more insight into the current relationship and build more trust and understanding with their partner.  

The ability to speak freely with partners about all aspects of our lives is incredibly important to fostering a strong relationship. When partners are unable to share stories of previous relationships and what they learned from them, it’s essentially like hiding a part of yourself. 

Now, I’m not by any means suggesting you need to share every intimate detail about your past relationships. The aspects that are important to share include the basics of what happened in the relationship, what you learned about yourself from it and what kind of place you’re in now. 

A problem with sharing these details for some partners may be that they think sharing stories of former lovers focuses too much on the past when you’re trying to work towards a future together. However, I believe it does the opposite. It will help each of you to get a big picture view of how each person in the relationship handles different issues. 

Forming a strong relationship with your significant others may take a few hardships. 

One of these may be the ability to open up about your past, specifically with respect to exes. If two people are willing to be completely honest with each other about everything regarding past relationship stories, it will ultimately lead to a loving relationship with open communication and trust. 

—Barrie Cradshaw

 

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