There’s this really good-looking guy in my tutorial that I’ve been waiting to ask me out all year. He still hasn’t even though we’ve been flirting and talking all year… Should I ask him out or will that make me look weird? Do guys even like it when girls ask them out?
— Sadie Hawkins
Dear Miss Hawkins,
We know it can be scary to put yourself out there and ask someone out. But we definitely think you should go for it.
Everyone, regardless of their gender, gets nervous to make the first move, but if you’re getting an obvious flirty vibe, you might as well dive in. The worst he can say is no, and then you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
To provide some evidence, we asked some of our guy friends how they’d feel if a girl asked them out, would they like it? They all answered with a resounding ‘yes’. It shows confidence, which is sexy. It also switches things up. Why do guys always have to ask the girl?
We get it, asking someone out can be scary. It can make the most outgoing and confident of us into nervous little blobs. But you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t try.
You also don’t want to be wishing come May when the semester’s over that you’d swallowed your nerves and asked that cute boy out!
Our advice is to go up to this boy after class and do the deed.
Start a conversation about something you’ve been talking about during the tutorials. You must have a favourite topic of conversation, be it the Oscars snafu, how boring that class is or summer plans. Carry on the conversation just like you would at your desk and then — take a deep breath — and say “Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee sometime?”
Once you start talking and laughing outside of class, hanging out just the two of you unrelated to classwork will begin to seem like a natural extension.
Don’t put too much pressure on it; pick a fun activity that you genuinely enjoy and see if he’s interested. Suggest something that’s during the daytime, which makes it more casual and less stressful for both of you. Coffee, movies, going for a walk or grabbing a quick bite are all totally stress free and generally enjoyable activities. The worst he can say is “no thanks.” If that happens, who cares? You took a shot and now you know for sure.
We know you can do this and we know you’ll be disappointed if you never try. Putting yourself out there is so worth it. Yeah, it’s scary for about 15 seconds, but then it’s exciting. You learn about yourself and the people you’re interested in. You also get to go on more dates — which, remember, are meant to be fun experiences, or they’d be called root canals.
Don’t underestimate the value in getting rejected once or twice. We don’t know someone who hasn’t been rejected by at least one person — it’s great character building. It really is just like ripping a Band-Aid: it feels awful for about half a second and then, we forget all about it and move on with our lives.
The most important thing we can tell you is to be confident in yourself. While it sounds to us like he likes you — you’ve been flirting and talking all year — if he doesn’t, then it’s his loss.
Say “okay, no worries” with a smile and move on to another topic. Maybe you still want to study together for the final exam. Regardless of what happens, you’re still the interesting, smart and beautiful person that you were before you asked him out.
Take a deep breath and go for it girl! We’ll be cheering for you from over here.
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