Learning to be secure with being single is a difficult journey, but it will leave you feeling more whole than any counterpart ever could.
In the past seven years, I’ve only been single for a cumulative one year and 10 months. After my most recent relationship ended at the beginning of this summer, I spent the past four months reveling in the unfamiliar feeling of being alone.
Security doesn’t come easily — navigating a messy break-up and tackling each day without a partner to lean on has taken some serious adjusting.
Having the opportunity to be in love with and learn from someone else is rewarding, but once you begin to derive your sense of joy and self-worth from your relationship, it becomes more damaging than anything else.
Whenever I wasn’t distracted this summer, I felt the weight of immense loneliness on my shoulders. I truly felt my experiences were invalidated if I didn’t have a boyfriend to share them with. Without having someone to lean on, I felt insignificant.
This feeling is normal when you’re adapting to the loss of your partner, but you can find a sense of significance again by taking time to reflect alone. Thinking closely about yourself and your life can be uncomfortable, but it also feels wonderful to have experiences and thoughts that are solely your own.
Once I accepted my singlehood, I stopped feeling a need to fill the space beside me and instead began to discover exactly how I wanted to live my life. I no longer fear being alone, because it was in these times of isolation that I remembered all the things I like to do by myself.
There’s no need to feel lonely doing the things you enjoy just because you’re without company. To be happily single, you need to embrace being alone. If you keep longing for the safety and validation of a significant other, you’ll never find peace.
Complete self-reliance is frightening, but it’s also liberating. If you’re single and mourning a relationship, do yourself a favour — make a commitment to yourself and learn to enjoy life on your own terms.
Maureen is The Journal’s News Editor. She’s a fourth-year English Major.
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