Dear Liz,
Last weekend, I caught my best friend cheating on her boyfriend. She told me she was going to catch up with a friend, but later when I was walking by the pier, I saw her and one of our mutual guy friends practically lying on top of each other on a beach towel. At first, I thought I was seeing things, but I observed for a bit (I know, creepy) and it was definitely them. I’m having a hard time bringing it up to her. She’s told me she was having problems with her boyfriend, suspecting he was cheating… Not that that makes this behaviour excusable. I find it especially hurtful because I recently got cheated on and she was so comforting. Do I approach her about it? Am I allowed to be angry or is it none of my business? Is this worth losing the friendship over?
Signed,
Shocked and Confused
Dear Shocked and Confused,
Wow, what a whirlwind. Catching your best friend in a moment like that—especially when you’ve been on the receiving end of cheating yourself—must have felt like a punch in the gut. You’re not just dealing with being blindsided, but also the weight of her actions hitting close to home. It’s no wonder you’re feeling hurt and confused.
First, yes, you’re allowed to feel angry. Even though it’s your friend’s relationship, you trusted her in your moment of hurt, and seeing her repeat what broke you to bits can feel like a breach of that trust. But before jumping to any conclusions, it’s important to talk to her. Approach her with empathy and curiosity rather than judgment. After all, you don’t know the full story—there could be complexities in her relationship you aren’t privy to.
Relationships can be messy, and many people choose to keep how they approach them to themselves. Although her response may not excuse her actions, if they are what they seem, it might help you understand her motivations better. When you do talk to her, focus on how her actions made you feel, rather than accusing her. For example, you could say, “I saw you at the pier, and it really upset me, especially given everything I’ve been through. Can you help me understand what’s going on?” This opens the door for an honest conversation without putting her on the defensive.
Now, is this worth losing a friendship over? That’s something only you can decide. It depends on how she responds to your honesty and how you feel about her actions going forward. If she takes responsibility and shows remorse, there might be room to move forward. But if she denies or dismisses your concerns, you may have to reevaluate your boundaries.
Ultimately, your priority should be protecting your own peace and values. Friendships can survive difficult conversations, but they can’t survive a lack of trust.
With love,
Liz
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Tags
Advice, Dating, friendship, Relationships
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