It’s all too easy for me to spiral. Whether that be in worry, dread, or despair, I used to feel like my life was dictated by the next bad thing that was going to happen to me. I could never find peace, always anxious that each time I felt good, it would be the last.
And when something inevitably did go wrong, it would consume me. Every thought would lead back to what went wrong, making even the smallest things feel like disasters that I would never come back from.
Every problem, big or small, didn’t feel like regular everyday parts of life, but instead they felt like they defined me. Issues around navigating who I was, my relationships with the people around me, and day-to-day stresses would often turn into uncontrollable and static rumination. I knew I had to let go, I just didn’t know how.
I would hear phrases like “rejection is redirection” or “the only way out is through”, and while both are true and helpful, they weren’t strong enough to overcome my catastrophizing nature. I needed to shift my entire mindset around trials and tribulations, but nothing ever seemed meaningful enough to help me do so.
That was until a few months ago, when I came across a Buddhist phrase that gave me a new way to think about my worries: “May we live like the lotus, at ease in muddy waters.”
Reading those words felt like a release and gave me a way to ease up on the constant feeling that I was going to drown in the waters of my own fears. I had found a new way to navigate the feelings that had so much authority over how I felt and who I was.
To me, being at ease in muddy waters means being comfortable with the difficulties in life, and allowing them to help me grow instead of succumbing to them. The mud is part of the journey and is essential in allowing the lotus to grow and bloom, just as the difficulties in life are essential for building resilience and character.
To me, it’s more than just accepting uncontrollable circumstances; it’s also reframing them in my mind as moments that are going to make me stronger. While staying connected to the inevitable challenges in my life, I don’t remain attached and let them control who I am.
I felt as if I’d already known this at the back of my mind, but seeing it put into words in this way gave it new meaning and gave me a new purpose.
The lotus is also a symbol of rebirth, something else that has made me more accepting of unavoidable change and struggle. The lotus blooms over and over. Closing at night to open again in the morning, emerging just as full as it did before.
The spiral, once the path of my doom-filled thoughts, has turned into a symbol that gives me strength through this shifted mindset, by representing growth and rebirth like the lotus. The spiral turns into a symbol of hope, rather than despair, and points me in a new direction of being.
Found in so many places in nature, like the shape of a seashell, the curve of a plant’s stem, or the formation of a storm, the spiral symbol also keeps me grounded in the natural world, reminding me of my connection to everything around me, good, bad, or in between.
Like the symmetry between images of brain cells and the universe, or the birth of a cell and the death of a star, these connections are important, and ground me with the big and unanswerable parts of life.
I find it important to keep these reminders at the top of my mind, remembering the beauty that I coexist with— the sacred geometry keeping me at ease and in harmony with the world around me.
Though, it’s not always easy to be willing to accept challenges and change. Ruminating is easy and comfortable. So is staying exactly where you are, even if it’s painful.
Old habits die hard. I still sometimes fall back into old patterns of thinking, finding a comfortable familiarity in my own pity and feelings of despair.
Choosing to grow is difficult and takes time. But in the end, it feels so much better than letting the things outside of your control define who you are.
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, or a snake shedding its skin, there are so many ways to think about the constant cycles in our lives and how we can overcome and move beyond.
There are forces constantly at play in all aspects of our lives, and their uncontrollable nature can give way to the feeling that our whole lives are out of control. But it’s not about gaining control or letting go of every care completely. It’s about understanding the space that can exist in between. Learning to make peace with the mud, living alongside it, not as an antagonist, but as a fortifying energy.
I now choose to embrace the pain of living, letting it strengthen rather than hinder me, knowing that after each obstacle I’ll bloom again and again.
Tags
Lifestyle, mindset, Postscript
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