Over the course of three summers, we have each had some “interesting” jobs to occupy our time for the four months between spring exams and the fall semester. You see, unlike some Queen’s students, we don’t have connections. None of our summer jobs have involved working for the UN somewhere in the Third World or at Daddy’s firm on Bay Street.
Instead, we have worked in more traditional student jobs—retail, menial office jobs and those painting jobs college kids always end up with. You know, the kind of jobs that “build character.” Now that we are attempting to graduate, we have come up with a number of tips to help the first-time student worker through the next four months.
Service With a Smirk
1. Most tourists attractions are probably worth less than half the price of the ticket. But if you find yourself working at such an attraction, it will be your job to sell this proposition to hundreds of people a day. This is where your creativity and imagination can run wild. Whether it’s the breathtaking view, the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity or the ever-so-reasonable price, enthusiasm and a fake smile can go a long way (especially in the interview to get the job in the first place).
And if you get tired of standing on your feet for hours at a time, suck it up, because chances are, you probably have another five hours left in your shift.
2. Directions are important. Whether you’re working in a mall or at a major tourist attraction, someone is sure to ask where the nearest Gap is. Be sure to have a basic idea of where the nearest malls, landmarks, major roads and transit routes are. If all else fails, a general sense of which way “north” is can also be helpful.
3. Get to know your co-workers. You probably don’t want to talk to anyone from high school anymore and your Queen’s pals are far, far away. The other proles offer an easy supply of people to hang out with—because you sure as hell won’t be lounging with the management. So invite them out for a beer after work one day. It’s always easy to bitch about the job.
4. Remember to hold your tongue—you never know when your supervisor is standing right behind you. And remember, if there are cameras in your store, they’re not just watching the guy stealing the cutlery. You need to be on your best behaviour, too.
Annoying customers will probably ask strange questions all the time and everyone will be much better off if you just pretend their question is interesting and don’t add your own sarcastic insight to the answer.
5. If you ever find yourself stuck in one of these “student-run” outfits, remember that your boss is probably not any smarter than you. This means (a) the opportunity to slack off is much greater, especially when your boss brings you beer on site, and (b) you’d better hope to hell your cheques don’t bounce.
Do I Look Like a Waiter?
1. Don’t apply for a job at a restaurant where you’d ever like to eat again. We’ve all heard horror stories about what really goes on at Taco Bell, but those stories don’t end when you return from south of the border.
For example, while one of us was working at a local establishment, I was called down to the storeroom by the boss, where he explained that the restaurant was experiencing a small rat problem. Upon seeing a look of repulsion, he tried to console me by explaining that the situation was “under control.” He then proceeded to tell me to clean the rat shit off the shelves before the health inspector came by. Needless to say, I never ate there again.
2. Always make sure the customer signs their credit card receipt. You don’t want to be that person chasing a customer in a golf cart down the street because Mr. Two-Under-Par forgot to pay for his lunch at the clubhouse, believe me.
3. Get used to your shifts being “optional.” You should always be on time—this is especially true in the food services—but if it’s a slow night, often some folks get sent home. If you’re the youngest or the newest, chances are the lucky winner will be you.
The Joy of Cubicles
1. It might be the middle of the summer, but don’t forget to wear layers. The inside of climate controlled buildings averages about -12 degrees Celsius. You can’t even open the windows to let in some warmth—newer offices have permanently closed windows to keep in that cool, recycled air. Long sleeves and cardigans help you make it through the day.
2. There is no such thing as too much coffee. There are several reasons for this: (a) Office jobs tend to be boring and you don’t want to get caught sleeping on the job (unless you have a cubicle with high walls in a forgotten corner, in which case, nap away); (b) since no one smokes anymore, the “smoke break” doesn’t really happen. So switch it up. Going to a cafeteria or Tim Horton’s kills time and brightens up your day with a hit of sweet, sweet caffeine; (c) you can spend some of your hard-earned money on a travel mug to complete your “commuter chic” look.
3. E-mail is your friend. Once you get a cool address like joe_bloe@crazycubicle.org, make sure you know your friends’ addresses and spend time writing to them while looking like you are working for real. Then you get to act like your boss and say, “Wow man, I have so many unread e-mails to sift through today!” Just go easy on the Internet porn.
4. Pack a lunch. Sure, most office buildings have cafeteria food. But that food tastes bad, does your health no good and costs an arm and a leg. Trust me, you’ll want to save the money for beer that evening in order to drink away the depressing thoughts that enter your head after hearing piped-in adult contemporary music all day. So pretend you’re back in grade school and add some pudding and a banana to that brown bag of wholesome goodness.
5. Meetings are a great time to look productive while accomplishing nothing—unless, of course, you’re the person who gets “delegated” to do stuff, because that poor schlep ends up with all seven people’s work. If you’re the summer student, volunteer to take the minutes. This way, you look busy, make some easy work for yourself and avoid taking on any new work. Plus everyone else is relieved they didn’t have to deal with the minutes. That is by far the best way to go.
So to all the students out there who must undergo “character growth” of their own this summer, our sympathy goes out to you. Tuition must be paid for somehow—you just never imagined it would take the form of leading children around the Pony Ride ring. Enjoy it while you can. Come September, work will once again take on a whole new meaning.
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