Let’s talk about sex.
The orgasm gap’s an indication of a sociocultural, heteronormative understanding of sex, and those principals are keeping minority genders away from sexual pleasure. Despite being a “taboo topic,” sex’s an intensely prevalent part of the human condition; from the science of how we’re brought into this world, to the psychosocial choices we make daily, sex is going to play some part in our choices. From an intensely scientific perspective; it’s why we’re here.
In addition to being a typical drive, sex is incredible for the body; a natural dopamine booster, and a stress reliever like no other. To be frank, when done correctly, sex is just, well, kick-ass.
And yet, despite all its scientific and physiological benefits, not everybody’s feeling the love, as indicated by the orgasm gap.
The orgasm gap is the name given to the disparity between cisgender male pleasure and female in heterosexual relationships. Studies show that the gap sits at around a 50 per cent, with cisgender men taking the orgasm lead at around 80 per cent, with women and gender minorities sitting at tough 30 per cent—yikes.
The disparity between orgasm rates on a very standardized psychosocial process are staggering, and yet, just like most things sex related, we’re keeping it behind closed doors.
The orgasm gap’s an indication of a larger, broader sociocultural problem: society isn’t enabling women and non-cis gendered people to experience pleasure during sex.
Engagement starts with education, but in Canada, it’s not exactly standardized. From the province you live in, to the schoolboard you’re enrolled in, sexual education varies dramatically. It seems to follow a typical process, placing emphasis on the reproductive elements of sexuality over the pleasurable components. This pattern tends to leave everybody but men in the dust, as “typical” reproduction places emphasis on the necessity of male orgasm, seen as synonymous with pleasure.
Despite most Canadian citizens beginning their sexual exploration in young adulthood, we haven’t quite pulled social stigma away from sexuality. A great deal of people still feel discomfort discussing sex, even within their own relationships, usually attributed to a sense of shame surrounding the idea of an inability to immediately achieve orgasm by both parties.
One thing to make clear: despite what the name might indicate, pleasure and orgasms aren’t synonymous. Pleasure can be experienced in a variety of ways, and boiling it down, the big “O” is reductionist. This can lead to anxiety around the “achievement” and “completion” of sex, rather than focusing on the enjoyment of sensuality and closeness: we aren’t focusing on the right goals. This is a physiological problem that particularly impacts women, who desire a stronger emphasis on foreplay to gain pleasure during sex.
The pathologizing of sex’s only worsened for women and gender minorities due to lingering gender-scripts and heteronormative understandings of how “sex” is done.” Heteronormative sexual scripts are the processes or sexual routines that society deems as “standard” and or “normal.” Typically, this looks like sex between a cisgender male and a cisgender woman, focused on penetration and ejaculation, with the woman taking a submissive, “seen but not heard” approach. One could hypothesize that these sexual scripts discourage women and gender minorities from discussing what brings them pleasure sexually, fueled by a general lack of knowledge in regard to what they’re looking for, and a societally implemented fear of discussing sexuality.
These forms of pathologizing on a sociocultural scale clash poorly with the general lack of education regarding pleasure during sex; we don’t even know what we aren’t talking about. It presents as a vicious cycle and posits a very important question: how can we tackle a societally implemented and perpetuated beast that we can’t even see.
I posit sex as a psychosocial process beyond a physical act. When engaging in “sex”, we aren’t simply experiencing the physical components of sexuality like touch and orgasm, we are also actively dealing with the sociological implications of what sexuality means to the world around us, such as the education our society choses to provide us, or the gender scripts we’re forced to follow.
This impacts every individual differently, though, as most things do, disproportionally targets minorities. Broadening ones understanding of how their anatomy interacts with the environment around them can help develop a better self-understanding and begin the road to de-pathologizing the concept of sexuality and its interactions with pleasure.
We need to be able to see how society and its shortcomings keep us from enjoying every aspect of sexuality; we aren’t getting the education we deserve; our pleasure isn’t included in the standard for sex, and society isn’t comfortable with that conversation.
As the old saying goes, it takes two to tango, but it’s not exactly dancing with the stars when one person can’t count steps.
Tags
Orgasm, orgasm gap, Pyschology, Sex
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